He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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