I'm gonna have a badass scar
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
