I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
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The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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