Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
