there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
