I only kidnapped one of them. chill
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
