so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
