I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Fuck appropriateness.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
