what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
