a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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