There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
