when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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