I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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