I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
3 2 1 whiskey
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
