when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later