More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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