i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
