Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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