this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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