the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
