You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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