Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i need to put some appletini on your dick
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
