May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
