Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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