Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
