Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
