My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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