What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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