i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
