Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize