I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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