if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
