Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
