At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
