I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
