Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
