We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I cannot find my penis.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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