I feel great
I just peed on a car
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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