Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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