Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Of course I have a pirate flag
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
