so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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