Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
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Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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