he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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