We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
