As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
