So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
