If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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