then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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