So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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