sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
