I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
