So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
