very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
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From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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