i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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