you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i think i just lost a toe
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
