Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
