we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
