your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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